Relationship Blessings or Woes?

Dr. Fazeeda RahmanDiscussion, General13 Comments

The month of February for some is important in signifying sharing love for others particularly on Valentine’s Day. It can make some feel encouraged and others downright sad if they are not happy with the person they are with or if they are single and without a “love”.

Whether there is a romantic love in our life or not, most of us have relationships that are important to us-be it with family or friends. What’s important is how we are in those relationships-do we give and are we able to also receive? Do we offer support and encouragement, and tangible things (when in our ability to do so)? And do we ourselves receive that support and tangible help when needed? It’s important that the relationships we have with others thrive and feel fulfilling as we receive and give needed support to those in our lives. As the saying goes -“No man is an island” or for the purposes of our blog- no woman is an island. We all need supportive people in our corners.

What can be difficult is if the opposite of the above is characteristic of our lives-the relationships we have deplete us and take more from us than they give, if they give it all. In those scenarios it is important to develop boundaries so that there is something left to give to others. Say no, or Limiting the amount of energy and or time given to those who might deplete us are some important ways to establish boundaries with others. Sometimes for wellness, some distance may be needed from those that detract from us. However in some relationships taking time away is not feasible. I think of those scenarios It is important to develop a self-care routine which can help us to manage stress felt in relationships with others.

What are your thoughts? How are your relationships going with those in your life? Are you able to both receive and give in your relationships?

How do you develop needed boundaries in the challenging relationships as well?

If you find participating in the blog helpful please share it with others.

13 Comments on “Relationship Blessings or Woes?”

  1. These are some great questions to consider. Overall, I feel very blessed relationally. My marriage is definitely a give and take.

    I have a couple of challenging relationships (not in my immediate family) at the moment. With prayer and input, I believe that 2020 will be better regarding setting boundaries in those cases.

    1. Great that you are experiencing the blessing of being able to get and give in your relationships. Prayer and input are definitely helpful to make wise choices. Sometimes our best thinking gets us into the worst situations😉. Glad you will be using prayer and input from others to help you establish the needed boundaries in your challenging relationships. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Developing boundaries is important. You asked how do we do that and I think it varies, based on previous experience with the person in the relationship and what can be tolerated. One thing I have learned is that boundaries can be hurtful to yourself too, especially if you like to help. But I think modeling this behavior can be helpful especially for those around you who can get taken advantage of. On a positive note, relationships are give and take and there will be times when we feel we are giving lots, but in the long run it should balance out

    1. Thank you for your post. Your post has me curious about how boundaries can be harmful to the individual herself. I think boundaries can be challenging to follow through on if the person creating the boundaries has a hard time with saying no and enforcing boundaries due to her nature to be helpful to others. I’m also curious to know who you refer to in regards to modeling behavior. I think in that regard about children since they are impressionable and are always observing their parents. I definitely agree that modeling self-care is especially important as mothers, particularly if one’s children are girls- who tend to be naturally givers to others, and think of themselves last. I also agree with your point on balance. Relationships should be a give and take, even if at times, due to the circumstances more giving is required (possibly out of necessity- as in health demands or serious emotional family situations requiring a lot of support). However, I think the more we are givers, the more we need to think of how we can make sure that our love tank is not empty, and also receive from others. Equilibrium is a good thing ! 🙂

      1. Bundaries can be hurtful to self I meant if you like to help, but need to guard self from ‘over helping’ and neglecting self. And I was speaking of kids for modeling behavior.

  3. This is all too familiar with me. I definately have felt more than lonely during these times of celebrating couples. However I feel that even though relationship with same gendered peers are important and people celebrate things such as Gallentines’s day ( Valentine’s Day with girlfriends) it still cannot replace the need for male attention. Self care is key but essentially it will need to be a constant practice and the same feelings will return. Ultimately, one needs to love themselves and be happy within themselves to truly feel fulfilled. That’s my opinion.

    1. Good points raised. Feeling lonely is real, and sometimes trying to pretend as though it’s not can create a problem. If one is a single woman during this time of year, I imagine it can be a challenge. I agree with your point about loving one’s self and being content with that. Any points you can share to help the other single women feel content?

  4. Holidays have a way of creating seperation between the have an have not. Love is a daily celebration; love God(He is Love), love yourself ( because you are worth it), love others because no one stands alone.

    Loneliness is not a friend, it may visit from time to time(we’re only humans), but feel free to kick it out…no overnight stay! Enjoy what you have, who you have because in spite of the ups and downs, relationships are to life what seasonings are to any delicious dish. Gotta balance it out though!

    I like to be loved all year around, not for a day, not for a season…all year because for every second, every minute that passes my love remains constant.

    1. Well put, and very poetic :). I like your point about celebrating love with God, self, and others. We are created to love and be loved by others, and that might be easier to do first if we understand our worth before God. That understanding may help us to give and receive love a little freer than not. Also it might help us to develop a healthy standard of how to give and receive love in relationships.

  5. Relationship is a give and take. Marriage can be a challenge however when you have the right person in your life with lots of love, patience and communication the relationship will balance out. If you love that special person in your life, Valentine’s Day is every day 🥰. The same way is for Mother’s Day if you love your Mother, you show and tell her how much you love her every day💞I am blessed.

  6. Valentine’s Day has become a holiday centered around sharing love with a significant other. I find that this is the reason why many become sad and not happy during this time. People have forgotten that Valentine’s day is about LOVE. You should celebrate the love you share with family and friends as well. Currently, I am single and for the past 3 years I have planned an outing to celebrate the love I have with some of my closest females in my life. I opted to do it just ladies only because I feel like this holiday affects us more so then men especially when we are single. Me and my ladies dress to impress in dresses and heels and enjoy a dinner with drinks and laughs along with plenty of pics. I give each one of them a small gift as token of my appreciation of the love we share.

    I wish I could say that all my current relationships are equally give and take (perfectly balanced) but that’s far from the truth. At this present moment, I am grateful for the loved ones I have in my life. I am learning to establish healthy boundaries to protect myself, the individual and the relationship. I’m learning to do this by acknowledging what the problem is and what role I play in it as well accepting/understanding my feelings. In the more challenging relationships, sometimes I have to take a step back and evaluate the relationship as a whole. I’m coming to understand that loving a person doesn’t mean they have to hold a place in your life. Some people you have to love at a distance.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

  7. Oh yes relationships…
    They come in all types and all sizes and all shapes.
    There are romantic relationships. There are family relationships. There are relationships with friends and coworkers. All of them can be crazy at times because all members of the human race are generally not completely balanced all of the time.
    I am learning to be gentle with myself and with others. I am also learning to say strong insignificant boundaries for myself and with others. I’m learning to be more patient. I’m learning to be more understanding. And, I’m learning to be much more loving – especially with people who are not like me or who are not living the way that I would choose to live.
    The Lord has helped me learn a lot about relationships lately – especially during this month!
    Much of that Learning has been through loss. I lost two women who were like second mothers to me within six days. That’s been a real blow that is still taking me time to process.
    What I’ve learned though is that my BFFs are REALLY THERE FOR ME!!! That’s SUCH a TREMENDOUS blessing!!!
    Also, I realize after being divorced for 40 years – wanting to remarry but never having it happen – that I never really totally let go of my former husband! Yep, I know… that makes me a VERY SLOW LEARNER!!!
    Nevertheless, I’m grateful to have FINALLY fully let go!
    Since it’s a leap year, perhaps I’ll do the Sadie Hawkins thing!!! Really??? Nooo… that’s not how I roll!
    I have made choices to FULLY LET GO of what/who no longer fits my life. I’ve made the choice to reach out once more to someone I swore I’d never deal with again. Once I just said “Hi, you were on my mind.”, I was free!!!
    Now, I’m handling all relationships much more judiciously and I’m settling boundaries for myself and with others. I’m choosing to be grateful for those with whom I can resonate without undue stress or friction. I’m also Carefully allowing new people into my space at my pace.
    While we need relationships, I’m learning that my relationships are best when my relationship with myself is solid.
    Yes… relationships are a blessing – even when they don’t work out as we expected. They help us to learn and grow – learning and growing keep us alive and thriving!

    1. Thank you for your very candid share. Sounds like you are a very wise person, whose book we can all take a couple of pages from 🙂

      I’m glad you are continuing to learn life lessons and modify as you go along. I’m sorry for your losses, but I’m glad you have been able to be encouraged by your friends as you go through very difficult processes.

      Great point about being in a solid relationship with yourself.

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